Writing Classes, Blogging Workshops, Social Media Courses and Writers Retreats in Atlanta, Georgia

Cover Letter: Whale Watch Supervisor

Oct 072017

I saw a job opening for a “Whale Watch Supervisor” in Hawaii on Indeed.com, so I applied for it. Here’s my cover letter:

Hello. First, wow, this is the first I’ve ever even HEARD of a “whale watcher supervisor,” but I thoroughly believe it is definitely, without a doubt, absolutely probably the best job in the history of the universe. Does the whale-watcher supervisor get to have whale-watcher subordinates? Like lower-level whale watchers I’d get to boss around and tell things like, “Look over there! Did you see that WHALE?!?!?! IT WAS AN AWESOME WHALE! Next time make sure you see it or I’ll write you a stern reprimand.” Because if so I’d be good at Continue reading »

Cover Letter: Cannabis Dispensary Store Manager

Oct 072017

I saw a job on Indeed.com for Dispensary Cannabis Store Manager, presented by Regis HR Group in Miami, FL. Here is my cover letter:

Hello. I was born to do this job. I mean, what a WONDERFUL reason to wake up every morning. The only job better than this on the scale of awesome jobs might, only just possibly, be subject of a science experiment in which my dopamine is measured after spending an entire day kissing Corgi puppies.

Plus, I would NEVER over-indulge in your store product. I haven’t smoked pot since the late 70’s, and between you and me I don’t think it was even really pot. It was just a bag sticks and seeds my friends and I paid five bucks for, and none of us knew how to roll a joint. Our joint was as tight and compact as a plastic sack of circus peanuts. When I took a hit I might as well have been sucking fumes from a burning sewage pipe clogged with Continue reading »

My Cover Letter: Specimen Collector

Oct 122017

I saw a job on Indeed.com for a Specimen Collector at Aloha Toxicology in Honolulu, Hawaii. Here is my cover letter:

Hello.

Let me start by simply stating I’d be awesome at collecting urine specimens. I can’t say I’ve ever been paid as a professional to watch while men urinate, but on an amateur level I’m told my performance was passable. And I once reported a crack addict for urinating on the hood of my car. I was not in my car at the time, my car was in my driveway at the time, and I saw it happening through my kitchen window. So my point is that Continue reading »

Fear: The Cause and Cure of Writer’s Block

Jan 062010

Fear causes writers block, and fear can get you out of it. Back before I went and spawned, I used to write on layovers during my job as a fight attendant. I was terrified to fly and certain I had one night left to live before I got back on the plane the next morning and had to commence crashing into a culdesac Continue reading »

Writers, Don’t Freak Out

Jan 172010

Writers, don’t freak out just because that’s what all the traditional publishers are doing, what with how they consider the onslaught of new media kind of like a plague. They are the big huge tree, and bloggers and other independents are each a locust, which, Continue reading »

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