Oct 072017
 

I saw a job opening for World Travel Coordinator for Ponte Travels in Seattle, WA, on Indeed.com. Here is my cover letter:

Hello. Just so you know, I’d rock holy hell out of this job, because who wouldn’t want to be a WORLD TRAVEL COORDINATOR? First, I’m an AMAZING coordinator AND I’m a serious world traveler. I’ve been everywhere except India, where I would have gone two years ago, but my daughter refused because she didn’t want to miss a slumber party (I swear this is true) (and it goes to show how much I’ve spoiled her travel-wise).

Soon she’ll be attending Berkeley, where until recently I planned to get a job as a cafeteria lady so I could embarrass her every day (“Hi, Honey, I think I can feel all my moles changing color”), but then she one-upped Continue reading »

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Oct 122017
 

I saw a job on Indeed.com for a Bank Fraud Investigator for Plains Capitol Bank in Dallas, TX. Here is my cover letter:

Hello. Holy crap, I’d be the BEST bank fraud investigator EVER. I have gotten really good at spotting fraudulent banks. Until now it’s been because I deposited all my money with them, but that there just proves dedication. Take, for example, when Bank of America conveniently forgot I’d linked my checking account to my savings account for overdraft protection, then charged me $600 in overdraft fees. It took me only two months Continue reading »

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Jan 162010
 

It will change your life! People have overcame elevator phobias, cured their Hammer Toe, had octuplets and then climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro without the assistance of oxygen! (Probably.) You too can experience the odd karmic awesomeness that comes with signing up for Hollis Gillespie’s Shocking Real-Life newsletter! Do it now!

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Mar 192010
 

“The internet is like Ice 9. It changes what it touches, probably forever. We keep discovering firsts, the biggest viral video ever, the most twitter followers ever, the fastest bestseller ever… And we constantly discover nevers as well. There’s never going to be a mass market TV show that rivals the ones that came before. There’s never going to be a worldwide brand built by advertising ever again either. And Michael Jackson’s record deal is the last one of its kind… And there may never be a job like that job you used to have either.

Revolutions are like that. They invent and destroy and they only go one way. It’s like watching a confused person in a revolving door for the first time. They push backwards, try to slow it down, fight the rotation… and then they embrace the process and just walk and it works.” Seth Godin

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