Oct 072017
 

I saw a job opening on Indeed.com for an administrative assistant for a mountain guide company in Skagway, Alaska. Here is my cover letter:

Hello.

Oh my GOD, I love Skagway, I love Alaska and this job sounds like the epicenter of all things awesome in the universe. I have a lot of administrative experience, I’m a genius at organization (my bathroom cabinet alone should be featured in magazines), I’m energetic (just today I successfully dove clear of a bus barreling through a cross walk) and a people person (which in resume speak means I’m patient with idiots). I’m also a foreign-language interpreter — I can say, “Holy Hell THAT’S A MOOSE!” in German, Spanish and English — I’m an accomplished speaker, writer, multi-platform marketing specialist, blar blar blar, all the stuff that Continue reading »

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Oct 072017
 

I saw a job opening for a “Whale Watch Supervisor” in Hawaii on Indeed.com, so I applied for it. Here’s my cover letter:

Hello. First, wow, this is the first I’ve ever even HEARD of a “whale watcher supervisor,” but I thoroughly believe it is definitely, without a doubt, absolutely probably the best job in the history of the universe. Does the whale-watcher supervisor get to have whale-watcher subordinates? Like lower-level whale watchers I’d get to boss around and tell things like, “Look over there! Did you see that WHALE?!?!?! IT WAS AN AWESOME WHALE! Next time make sure you see it or I’ll write you a stern reprimand.” Because if so I’d be good at Continue reading »

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