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1. “First things first; I hear you have a great benefits plan.”

Think of the job as the hot chick at the bar, and the benefits package as her rack. You know why you want her, she knows why you want her, but stating the obvious right off the bat (“Hey, great rack”) isn’t gonna snag her. Solution: First compliment accomplishments and personality (example: “I’m impressed with the annual 10k for charity you sponsor”), then, when you’ve breached the inner sanctom, you can state the obvious (“Hey, great benefits”).

 

 2. “I’m sorry, I really gotta answer this.”

Nothing blares to a potential boss what a rotten worker you’ll make better than you taking a cellphone call during the interview. If your phone so much as even beeps the latest Facebook update, your prospects dwindle considerably. Solution: Turn it off.

 

3. “I know nothing about  this company.”

Who’s gonna want to hire you if you can’t be bothered to do a basic Google search before showing up for the interview? If you don’t have an insightful answer when the interviewer asks you what you know about the company, you might as well kick your own @ass out the door. Solution: Do your homework.

 

4.  “My former boss is an idiot.”

Even if your former boss really is an idiot (and chances are probably high), that’s something you’re gonna wanna keep under wraps while talking to a potential new boss.  Since bosses in general tend to side with each other, you shouldn’t feel free to whip out that tidbit until you’re safely on the payroll. Solution: Suck it up an be nice.

 

5. “Nope. I really don’t have any questions of my own.”

Show some healthy curiosity for God’s sake! Your interviewer is hoping you have a discerning set of standards, otherwise you might as well tattoo your desperation on your face. Solution: You can’t go wrong with a question like, “What do you love about your job here?” or, “What do you think a typical day would look like in this postion?”
Do you know that 30% of best-selling memoirs are by writers dishing about their jobs?

(Think Quiet, Please: Dispatches from a Public Librarianby Scott Douglas or Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain)

Learn to publish your memoir and turn your dirt into dough! Take the Shocking Real Life

“Secrets to Writing & Selling Your Book” Workshop

Dec. 12, 11-5 p.m.

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